Enginuity or Endangerment?
Jan. 9th, 2019 12:34 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
favoritebean_writesAt the 1912 Detroit Auto Show
“Good afternoon. We are here to unveil our latest prototype, which will expedite convenience and comfort to the masses. If I may, please direct your attention to the large covered object on the stage to my left.”
There is movement from the audience as they divert their attention stage left.
“Ladies and gentlemen, we here at Smerd Enterprises have worked day and night to bring to you, the latest in automobile pleasure. I will now ask Gladys and Ethel to remove the covers. Ahh, yes! Our ladies do look quite lovely in their sparkling dresses. Perfect for the foxtrot at the nightclub on a Saturday night. You may pick up this lovely number at the Smerd Enterprises Gift Shop on your way out. Now, back to the main star of the show…”
The covers are removed to reveal a shiny red large car. The audience gasps, then they applaud.
“Yes, yes! This, folks, is Smerd’s latest and greatest, ‘The Xenith!’ The first of its kind, actually. It holds six passengers, and there’s even a boot large enough to hold your mother in law’s twelve suitcases!”
The men in the audience laugh.
“Better, this luxury automobile can travel to speeds of twenty five miles per hour, which is the fastest an automobile can travel! It can travel three miles to one gallon of leaded petrol, and there is even a spare tire in the back in the event of an accident. The Xenith, everyone!”
The audience erupts with applause.
“Now, I will allow for just a few questions. First, this lovely lady in the front row.”
“Yes, I see that it’s not Smerd Enterprises’ trademark black color. It’s a lovely shade of red, I must say. Does it come in black?”
“Ah, a wonderful question! How could I forget to discuss car color? No, this particular model comes in Delicious Red, like this one on stage, Gallant Green, and Brilliant Blue. As this is our luxury people mover, we want to flaunt our colors. Thank you, next question from the gentleman in tweed, please!”
“Yes, thank you. Does this Xenith also feature the black smoke that billows out of its exhaust like your Omega and Secondo models?”
Some women gasp at this question.
“Sorry? What black smoke? You mean the automotive exhaust? I believe that it is technically gray.”
“And what have you to say about the reports from biologists who state that this ‘exhaust’ is killing off wildlife across the Midwestern United States?”
“I’m afraid I have no idea what you are talking about, but I’d like to direct you toward the two men in gray suits just behind you.”
“Your monstrosities are choking our environs!”
“With all due respect, Mister Tweed, our automobiles are a symbol of progress and human ingenuity. We have no record of environmental distress. Now, if you will excuse me, that’s all the time we have for questions. Thank you for coming today, ladies and gentlemen. Please don’t forget your complimentary cigarette cases as you exit the auditorium.”
The audience begins to exit. The Xenith is an instant hit, appealing to upper class families wishing to travel in style. Smerd Enterprises sold the car until 1929 when the company suffered significant losses with the stock market crash. Smerd folded in 1931.
***
A board meeting at Goose Chemical Company, 1934
“Good morning, gentlemen.”
“Good morning, Mr. Chairman,” the board members said in unison.
“Please sit. As you know, our Agri-accelerator department has worked very hard to create a chemical additive to combat the boll weevil. Farmers across the nation that have not been displaced by the terrible effects of the dust bowl are fighting an epidemic of weevils and boll weevils. They are destroying crops. Our nation is starving, and naked. It is no longer enough to accelerate the growth of crops. Now, we must fight the bugs. I have invited Agri-accelerator chief, Mr. Orange, this morning to discuss his new miracle additive, Bio-Cease. Mr. Orange?”
“Thank you, Mr. Chairman. I have toured many farms along the Carolinas and in Tennessee. They are faring quite poorly. These weevils, along with locusts and ants are destroying crops year after year. With Oklahoma, Kansas and much of the plains region no longer able to produce crops, it is up to us at Goose Chemical to help save agriculture from those despicable insects. Otherwise, we will starve. Nor will we have cotton for clothing. We currently have a prototype, Bio-Cease. I guarantee that it works effectively against the toughest of weevils, and other insects. We need proper funding to create more. In order to mass produce this agent for distribution to farmers, we require $600,000 in budgetary funds.”
“Mr. Orange,” said a younger board member, “My children love to play outside, but my son Biff reacts terribly to red ants when they bite. Will this be available to regular people like us who wish to destroy those pesky ant colonies?”
“If our agent is successful with farmers, it is our hope that we can sell a diluted product for non farmer consumers. As is, however, it does cause severe blisters when in contact with skin.”
“Thank you, Mr. Orange. I look forward to your demonstration of the prototype this afternoon.”
“Thank you. We at the Agri-accelerator department will await your visit.”
***
A podcast posted, January 6, 2019
“Happy New Year! Welcome to our first podcast for 2019. I’m Alyce Carter.”
“And I’m Jim Raintree. Now that the pleasantries are out of the way, we have devastating news for you podcasters. Let’s talk about it. What do we want, Alyce?”
“I can’t speak for you, but I want my butterflies back, Jim!”
“Look, I’m scared of butterflies. Eight year old me would say, they’re all moths, and a good moth is a dead moth. But I take back what I said when I was eight, okay?!?”
“Jim, save your mottephobia stories for your other podcast. This is important! Unless you’ve been hiding under a rock-“
The sound of moving rocks interrupts Alyce.
“You’ve probably read the latest articles coming out of the news. Believe me, it’s not good,” Jim continued.
“Monarch butterflies are dying off, people!”
The camera pans out and back in repeatedly as screeching violins sampled from the movie ‘Psycho’ play. Alyce and Jim stare with alarm at the camera.
“Even America Today is discussing the great die off of our gorgeous and delicate monarch population. Which by the way, has dwindled by a whopping 86%. Remember the bees?”
“Those poor honey bees. Well now it’s the monarchs, and at this rate, they’ll be extinct by next year. According to journals, the species has declined in size by an astonishing 97% over the last thirty years. It really makes me feel bad for hating moths and butterflies when I was eight. This is bad news, people!”
“I can’t help but wonder whether this was premeditated by the pharma companies when they came up with their recipes for Agent Orange and DDT, or whether it’s all the smog from cars, trucks, planes, coal factories- you get the picture.”
The sound of a jet zooms from left to right.
“Funny thing, Alyce. You’ve hit it on the nose.”
Alyce covers her nose. “Do tell,” she says with a look of mock surprise.
“Well, in addition to pesticides and herbicides, scientists have linked milkweed declination with smog which comes from-“
“Car exhaust? Are you kidding me?”
“Car exhaust. I would never kid about this. Oh, and for you listeners out there? Milkweed is what monarch butterflies depend on for that annual migration. So stop spraying those milkweed plants, and maybe drive a little less?”
“Maybe it will help. I’ll legit cry if the monarch goes extinct. Please, people! We need to do something. 2019 is already off to a shaky start, and don’t even get me started on current political events. For that, you can tune in next week. Thanks for listening!”
“Want to discuss butterflies, leave us a comment, and don’t forget to subscribe!”
Author Notes: 1) Names and company names are fictitious.
2) While this story is a work of fiction, the monarch die off is not.
Thank you for reading.
no subject
Date: 2019-01-12 12:46 am (UTC)There was a great outcry about the inclusion of tetraethyl lead to stop engine knocking, because lead was known to be poisonous.
Ah, said the man who discovered that tetraethyl lead would stop engine knocking. But tetraethyl lead isn't poisonous! Let me wash my hands in it during a public demonstration to show how safe it is...
It's no surprise that he spent the next year recovering from lead poisoning out of the public eye.
Interestingly enough, the man who added tetraethyl lead to gasoline was also the one who developed the first chlorofluoro carbons -- or CFCs, the stable compounds which have destroyed the ozone layer.
Good ol' Thomas Midgely. He would have fit right in with any of your companies in this piece.
Well-done on creating something sadly believable.
no subject
Date: 2019-01-14 07:12 am (UTC)Thank you for reading and commenting.